Movember

Somehow on Halloween, I thought it would be a funny idea for a bunch of people to have mustaches at our big 10th anniversary Thanxmas. Knowing that a bunch of people do Movember, Kevin and I kind of just said it- why don't we just do Movember? And then we'll all look like complete assholes at Thanxmas? It's PERFECT.

I proposed it to everyone and although most people didn't like the idea, but a few stepped it up and decided to go for it too. I formed a team with Kevin, Primus Dan and Other Jake from VT. A few others shaved mustaches or promised they'd have them by Thanxmas, and Adam did Movember with a bunch of people from Staples. 

For those who don't know, Movember is a yearly fund raising/mustache growing thing. It was created by some dudes in Australia (where a mustache is called a "mo") as a way for men to raise money in the oddest of ways- growing a mustache. You grow a mustache as a weird symbolic way of showing support for dudes with testicular or prostate cancer, and as a walking billboard to tell people about Movember, why you're doing it, what it supports, etc. And you ask for donations, which goes to a bunch of different charities through the Movember foundation like the Prostate Cancer Foundation, Livestrong, and others. It went from a small group of people in Australia to spreading like crazy. According to the site, 209,000 people participated this year, raising 19.6 million dollars just through donations. It's pretty amazing that something this ridiculous can become so big. I'm usually automatically against being a part of things that big- I don't really know why, it's just my natural inclination to see it as a dumb thing: "oh, you're growing a mustache for Movember? Why don't you just grow one for the hell of it? Why does it have to be a thing? I'm supposed to give you money? Come on. All you did was grow a mustache."

But this year I decided to just be a part of something for once. At least I'd look like a jerk (which would be funny), and maybe I'd earn some money for a good cause (which is something I've never really done). For a lot of the dudes who do this, they just go from clean shaven to having a stache, but obviously for me, it meant shaving off the beard I've had for like 10 years (other than the few times I've shaven it off for a joke) and revealing my gross double chin and oddly bumpy actual chin. 

I decided to wait a few days and go to a party with a monkey tail beard first. What's a monkey tail? This: 

The weird thing was, a lot of people didn't notice. I get not noticing the side with the hair, but how do you not notice that an entire half of my face has no facial hair on it when you've never seen me that way? Crazy. 

I also decided to try and make a reverse-shaving video- I've seen a bunch of these that rule and wanted to try my hand at one. It sort of worked. Either way, this video is pretty funny:

How to Grow a Monkey Tail beard: from Mike Alexander on Vimeo.

Here's a few of the videos that made me want to do something like this, only a LOT of time and effort went into these: 

BEEAAAARD

BEARD SLAP

THE YEAR OF THE BEARD

and my favorite: TRIM

So anyway, here's what I look like without facial hair. It's rough.

And here's what I really look like, when I'm not looking up or facing my face forward to avoid a double chin:

And here's how I feel I look like all the time: 

I've never had a mustache before, for more than a day at least. I did once go to work like this: 

And then this the next day: 

This was actually taken AT work, and yes, that's a braided rat tail.

So I'm not opposed to looking hideous for the sake of humor, but still. Even though just a regular mustache isn't as bad, and I was doing it for a good cause that probably helped people go "oh, he's doing movember" instead of instantly throwing up when looking at me, I still felt pretty gross walking around with a puberty-stache and double chin for a month. I thought I grew facial hair fast- it turns out since I've been growing the beard back that I don't, and I grow mustache hair slower than anywhere else on my face. It was rough. Here's me like 2 weeks in:

Like 3, classy:

And a month. Sweet weird bump on my face that normally is hidden by my beard.

I also grew some hideous 70's sideburns. I modelled my look on Dustin's from the first thanxmas. 

way more manly sideburns, but hey, I only had a month. 

My teammates went through similar growing pains. Primus Dan wanted to just have this ridiculous mustache for the whole month, but Rich told him he wouldn't donate unless Dan started clean shaven, and Dan went for it. 

After a month, this was all he was able to muster:

Other Jake completely cheated and just looked ridiculous for the month, but he still got donations so I was willing to let it slide. 

Kevin also cheated by starting with a week of scruff, saying he needed to because he grows facial hair so slowly. 

But that was crap, because good god look at how good he looked at the end:

This was me at the end. I think if I ever do this again, I may cheat a little too.

As much as the rules call for a clean face and committing to growing for a month no matter how bad you look, it kind of sucked to have not as cool of a mustache at the end when other people had way better ones, when we all still had mustaches for November and got donations. I mean, wouldn't Movember make more sense if we all had actual mustaches for the month instead of 7th grade lip pubes for 2 weeks and then a sort-of mustache for the rest? I don't know... something to consider. 

Here's probably my favorite picture of how awful I looked at Thanxmas:

also, apparently I'm 7 feet tall.

It's weird to have an entire post be about growing a mustache, but this was a big thing. I've never willingly been a part of a movement like this. I've never asked for donations for a good cause, and I've certainly never looked this disgusting on purpose for this long. And as much as I INSTANTLY regretted shaving and hated looking the way I did for the month (and most of December too, since only now do I feel like I have a solid beard again), and as much as I was able to hide from society a bit by spending 2 weeks alone in a house in the middle of the woods, I'm really happy I participated. Getting mustache updates via instagram and twitter, seeing friends half way through and talking about our progress, and most importantly, being able to have a Movember toast at Thanxmas, where my brothers and I toasted to each other with a way too expensive bottle of scotch was awesome. We had done something together, it was a bit event for the month, and most importantly, we actually raised money. Enough of our family and friends were generous enough that we were able to make $568 bucks. That's NOTHING compared to a lot of groups, but this was our first time and I thought in the beginning we'd only make 300 or so. Breaking 500 felt great. Kevin demolished everyone with $237 (his and Gina's family stepped it up), but I came in 2nd with $139, just edging out Primus Dan's $112. I donated to other friends doing it too, so I participated on both sides.

There's a lot that sucks about Movember- like not having a beard and not having a beard in NOVEMBER (cold air on a clean shaven face is the worst- I don't know how people live like that), but at this point, if these friends and hopefully more want to do it again, I probably will too. It felt good to do something ridiculous that actually amounted to something good. I'm even thinking of ideas on how to get donations next year. Watch out Kevin...