1 month reflection post

Well, more than a month now. In fact, I've been jobless since May 20th, but since I didn't start the blog until June 1st, I'm treating the start of July as being officially 1 month into my new, better life.
So, is it better? Absolutely. I don't work. I wake up every day to the sweet smell of freedom, and that rules. I live with 2 of my best friends, and I have committed to the blog more than most people thought.

 But have I lived a life more awesome? Kind of. But not really. I definitely see my summer so far as a bit of a failure. I'm not doing enough. I stay up way too late and then sleep way too late. I spend too much time sitting in my room on the internet, which I had hoped I wouldn't do. It's just so hard to get up and get motivated. I've hiked, I've biked, I've done a few things I needed to do, but not enough. I need to get out there more.

I've made a list of things I want to do before this all ends. Right now, there are 26 things on it, and only 2 have been done. Some are weekends scheduled in the future, but basically, I need to get a move on, and find a way to do the things I want rather than just sit inside and waste days (like I did today). Some things on the list are small, like "go fishing" (something I used to do all the time and never do anymore), and some are big, like "do a long, overnight hike."

The biggest problem is finding a time to do everything with certain people, and inspire myself to do solo things like biking and hiking and making music when I'm alone (which is basically 5 days a week). This is hard to do. When I envisioned being happier and having this crazy summer, I stupidly envisioned being around lots of friends. I guess I kind of just forgot that not only are my friends scattered around the northeast, but they all work jobs for 40+ hours a week and have their own plans on weekends. It's tough.
So what do I do? Try to be awesome on my own. And this has been tough, but I need to try harder.

The weirdest thing about this summer is how fast I got used to it. I stopped thinking "haha! I don't have to go to work!" pretty early on. I adjusted to staying up stupidly late and sleeping late within a few days. It's no longer weird- it's normal. The thought of it ending and having to get a job somewhere doing something (yea, that's how much I have planned) is already starting to give me mini panic attacks, but because it feels normal, the immediacy of "OH MY GOD IT'S ENDING, GO DO A THOUSAND THINGS" has faded.

The scariest thing about this summer is how fast the money is going. Yes, I spent a lot on dental work that I said I would take out stock money for (and I didn't), but even with that, it's going waaaay too fast. It's amazing how quickly money goes away when you have nothing coming in. I still don't want to touch my stock money, but I'm starting to realize it may not be possible to go past August without doing that. I'd like to never work again (come on scratch tickets...), but ideally and semi-realistically, the goal has kind of always been to make it to November- all of summer and the best half of fall.

So, I am committing to having a more awesome July, and August, and so on. I'm starting to feel the urge to get out there and get sweaty and exhausted more, so more epic trips are on the radar, and I'm starting to feel bothered on days when I don't do SOMETHING- not just for the blog, but for me. So I'm going in the right direction. Here's to a better July.

currently listening to: The Contortionist- Apparition