The 10th Anniversary of Thanxmas

After FINALLY realizing how much I've missed at previous Thanxmases by showing up too late and coming to terms with Thanxmas being a day event rather than the rage-until-3-in-the-morning mess parties of college, I decided I would fully maximize my Thanxmas experience this year by going up the night before with Kevin and Gina (since they always go up early to get the bird cooking nice and early). After last year's celebration, plans were underway to make Thanxmas be a 3 day vacation in Cancun, but that fell apart when it looked like the cheapest we could get it would be around 500 bucks a person, and Tara went and got herself knocked up. So the 10th anniversary wasn't quite the huge event that we had planned, but because of Tara's pregnancy, she and Jake hosted, leaving most people with at least a 3 hour drive each way, and therefore the easiest argument in Thanxmas history for getting a hotel and not leaving early. It turned out to be one of my favorite Thanxmases ever, and easily the longest one I've ever been a part of. After last year's worries that our spirit had been crushed by adulthood realities, we proved this year that yes, in fact, we can still party pretty hard. I'm gonna try to not type a lot since most people looking at this are probably just gonna look at the pictures. There are also A LOT of pictures. This is honestly easier than just putting them on facebook. 

We got there at like 10 Friday night and I was surprised to see Ben and Shannon sans child there, with Kristy showing up shortly after. I got to work stealing pictures from Gina and Jake (for the massive Thanxmas documentary I'm going to attempt to make), while we ate Jake's leftover pizza and drank some burrs. Everyone turned in pretty early, and after Gina and I stayed up way too late looking through all of Jake's pictures, I attempted to sleep on the giant couch in the basement. Wyatt had other ideas though, and proceeded to wake up and scream pretty much every time I fell into a deep sleep. After Kevin got up at 7:30 and started making noise, it was painfully clear that I would be partying all day on very little sleep. Upon waking up, I saw a Thanxmas miracle though: beautifully falling snow. It's only snowed on one Thanxmas before, and it was a lovely sight.

Gina got to work making jello shots,

and Kevin got to work looking awesome and playing with turkey guts.

The tree needed decorating, so we all chipped in, especially Wyatt, who not surprisingly hung all of his ornaments towards the bottom of the tree. 

While I wandered around the house hanging up lights wherever I could and attempted to make a photo booth, Jake and Ben decided to do some home improvement. 

thanxmas= home improvement

I took time off to play some guitar with Wyatt, but I was surprised at how busy the day was. 

I had never been there for Thaxmas prep before, but it adds up- there are a lot of little things that have to get done. I just wanted to hang out. But after showering and blowdrying my hair for the first time in as long as I can remember, I got into my fat Dwight Schrute costume and we all hung out, waiting for everyone to show up. 

This is how good I looked:

This is how good Damien looked:

Actually, THIS is how good I looked. My favorite picture of me in awhile:

Shaun, Ben and I left to get some lunch, and I came back to Jake with a surprise sort-of mustache and apparently what he was going to be wearing for the day:

The day became a cycle of new people showing up, hugs, them settling in, then more people showing up every 25 minutes or so. I was happily surprised to see a few more mustaches than I was expecting. In the end, I think there were about 10 disgusting mustaches, and Mysterio's Thanxmas magnets he makes every year were mustache themed too. I think I've decided that all 10th anniversary celebrations should involve mustaches. 

The big surprise was when Dustin and Amanda not only showed up, but showed up super early too. They had a year of losing interest, but after some good heart to hearts over the year, they clearly realized the importance of Thanxmas and even though I didn't talk to them nearly enough (a constant problem with Thanxmas), I'm super happy they came. No more years off!

My Movember brothers and I had a toast with Macallan, Kevin made a billion Old Fashioneds and Gin and Thanxmases (a gin and tonic with grenadine haha), and people added piles of liquor and beer to the table and porch respectively. The party was on, and not surprisingly, we spent most of it in the kitchen and dining area rather than the living room with comfortable couches. We LOVE kitchens. 

Eventually, dinner was served, and after a trip to the porch, I was ready to eat a feast. 

Natalie and I had co-decorated the basement with fancy lights and cheap christmas lights (guess who brought what), and Tom Terracino brought a bunch of tables and chairs, so we were all set up for a basement banquet. This was the most hilarious and fitting of our Thanxmas dinners ever- I felt like I was at some business convention or prison. Or something else that involves fold up tables and metal chairs. 

Growing up, we had giant dinners at my Great Aunt's house. The smaller table that always had to be set up on the side of the big table was always referred to as the "riff raff" table, and was designated for kids and whatever lucky adult got stuck there/claimed they wanted to be there. I was psyched to see that we even had one here. 

no non mustached dudes allowed

Dinner was awesome, but I honestly don't remember much about most of the time I spent eating for some reason. I remember how good the ham Kevin crock-potted all day was though. And I know I enjoyed my meal more than Wyatt. 

Look at Gina's pose/face in this picture. This wasn't staged- this was normal conversation. 

"EEYYMM TELLINYOU. BACK IN MY DAY... I'M TELLIN YOU"

Dinner started with easily the worst toast I've ever seen in my life. Dustin got on the karaoke microphone set up in the corner and proceeded to talk for easily 20 minutes about absolutely nothing. It was the only time during the party that I wished he hadn't come. 

As far as I can tell, the only point of the toast was to say that we were all perverts. And I think it was the only toast I've ever seen that 1, not only didn't end with a toast, but 2, didn't really end at all. Somehow at one point, we all came to the realization that he wasn't talking anymore, and that was pretty much it. He may have even gone upstairs without anyone noticing. I wouldn't be surprised.

never give either of these people a microphone.

Dinner was great though- it just rules having that many people I love in one room, especially a basement. 

Look at Mysterio!

This is one of my favorite pictures of the night- a Blue Zoo elder terrorizing new blood:

After dinner, we all wandered around and eventually reconvened to the living room for the always horrible Yankee Swap where nobody swaps anything and most people don't even take their stupid, useless presents home. Sorry- super practical gems you've always wanted. Like, for instance, Kanye sunglasses and Rick Astley records. 

and mullet wigs. 

or blow up doll boyfriends. 

or Orgy shirts and Nickelback sweatshirts. 

This one was a big hit- Pin the Macho on the Man. 

Six packs of beer and something else stupid seemed to be a theme this year- I think there were 3 instances of that. 

My present was pretty incredible- I spent way too long creating a calendar of the different facial hair looks I've had called "Beard Life: A Decade of Mike Alexander's Facial Hair in 12 Months." I went through several ideas for calendars, and this was the easiest to compile and the sketchiest/worst. This was one that would have been a disaster if someone I didn't know as well (as there are always a few n00bs at Thanxmas) got. Thankfully, Gina got it so I'll get to see it every time I go to her house. 

June is a good month. "The Au-Natural"

One of the things I love most about Thanxmas is watching everyone's reactions to presents- just being able to look around at so many friends laughing hysterically at stupid and awful presents. It looks exactly like this, and it makes me happy:

The present I got was great- a game where you put a cap lined with velcro strips on and throw little stuffed poops at each other, trying to get them to stick. I took easily 20 pictures of Kevin after I threw one at him and never quite caught a picture of it sticking, but these were close: 

or Kevin's brain just broke. when orange energy shot out of his back.

After presents, desserts were brought out, and I sadly didn't really eat much other than apple pie and my new mint brownies that were thankfully a big hit. My favorite part of my brownies is Dustin's reactions when he eats them. This time it was him looking at me like I had just spit in his face and saying "what the fuck is wrong with you?" I didn't realize he hadn't had them in 3 years. Based on how much I know he loves them, I can't imagine what his mouth felt like when he ate one. 

From there, it was just pictures being taken, presents being looked at, more beers, more old fashioneds, trips to the porch, lots of laughs, etc. Here's a group enjoying my calendar while Tom Terracino lurks in the background. 

Things got weird in the photo booth room.

and things got weird downstairs. Why is Dustin's head bent through space?

Kevin finally hit the level of my favorite Kevin that only comes out when he's been drinking for 8 hours or more.

Love this one:

No idea where he is:

Mysterio also did a pose I'm a big fan of. Maybe Statue-ing can be the new planking?

As the night progressed, Shaun got more and more ridiculous every second. Drinking-for-8-hours-with-beard-and-wild hair is my favorite Shaun. Apparently Other Jake was wearing eye shadow?

This is probably my favorite picture from the whole night. Father Thanxmas in his element:

As the night went on, it became 10ish and people started leaving. But this year, they weren't leaving to go home- they were leaving out of courtesy to Tara. See, the plan had been to rage during the day, then go out at night to a bar since she was in charge of one child, Jake, and her own pregger needs. We went way too long and got way too loud, but the Naros and O'Haras leaving kind of got everyone else started. Kevin, Gina, Kristy, Adam and I were the next to go, and eventually everyone headed back to the hotel where we all hung out in the lobby or our rooms and tried to figure out what to do. 

Thanxmas 10 was as glorious as it was largely because of Tara, who was an absolute saint. Having 30 drunken idiots screaming in her house for 8 hours while being a mom to a 2 year old, sick, and 8 months pregnant with kid #2, and actually being not only pleasant and tolerant of everything, but actually right in the heart of it and smiling? Amazing. Thank you Tara, and sorry it took us all so long to leave.

Hot mom and christmas

Once back at the hotel, we checked in and hung out in our rooms for a few minutes. I'll be honest, it felt awesome doing this. I've checked into hotels solo before, and I've stayed in a hotel for a wedding when a bunch of friends were there too. I don't know what was special about this one- maybe it was that I was drunk and was sober in past instances, I don't know. It just felt awesome, like we were kids that shouldn't be doing what we were doing, like we were out on our own for the first time in our lives. 

Once ready to party more, we talked to the front desk dude (who was EXTREMELY over the top helpful) and decided to go to the one bar that may have still been open, even though we would be showing up with 40 minutes till close. Kristy was the only one not drunk, so she chauffeured (wow that word is messed up) everyone to and from the bar. After doing an entire lap around the area the bar was supposedly in, we finally found it, and wow what a disappointment. The bartender had a look of "oh shit... kill me" the second we all went in, and clearly he had been planning on leaving early that night. Trudel, who I hadn't seen in forever, stepped it up big time and bought everyone the first round. 

We pretty much just sat around the bar talking. It was a quiet scene and we were all tired, we just didn't want the night to end. After the bartender cut off Other Jake's wife for being too drunk (which she wasn't), and she drank Other Jake's beer instead, he kicked them both out, putting a serious damper on our night. What a raging asshole that bartender was. Sorry we brought you like 200 dollars of business, dick. 

Anyway, I got some excellent video of Shaun doing impressions, we talked more into the night, and generally capped of Thanxmas wonderfully. 

I lost Kevin and Gina (who I was staying with) and hung out in the lobby with the Mysterios for awhile until I figured out everyone we were waiting for was probably in their rooms already. When I walked into mine, this is what I saw:

Passed out in the middle of putting his room key on the table and taking off his hat! LIKE A BOSS.

So we posed with him.

I like that Naro is eating a sandwich on him. We went down to the snack machine to try to find late night drunk snacks and were reminded by the desk dude that they were full and some of these people were there on business so try and keep it down etc. 

Sara, Naro, Mysterio and Masha hung out in our room for awhile and we ate HORRIBLE pizza rolls and chips. Kevin woke up and tried to hang out, but eventually looked like this again:

again, sound asleep 

I went to bed at like 3:30, and looked at instagram, seeing pictures that had gone back to noon. There's nothing quite like collapsing after a long awesome day and realizing that we had just partied for 13 hours. Damn.

I slept horribly, woke up twice because my stomach hated me, and then finally woke up at like 10 after Kevin had been pacing around our room for hours. He felt absolutely horrible and when he wasn't doing laps, he was literally sitting on the floor, basically in pain. I get that you wake up early and don't feel well Kevin, but LIE DOWN AND SHUT UP. STOP DOING LAPS AROUND OUR ROOM.

We checked out and headed back to Jake and Tara's to find the rest of our stuff and take down decorations. Most people had already done that, and when we were done, it almost looked back to normal. Damien's position on the couch summed up how we were all feeling pretty perfectly. 

We met the Naros and O'Haras at some mexican chain restaurant and after Gina having a panic attack in line, we realized that none of us wanted to eat Mexican food. SO, we headed to Friendly's and had a splendid meal. 

We began the long trip back and I basically just fought sleep the whole way while attempting to play DJ. We made it to Gina's mom's house to get my car, and we went our separate ways. 

I now have the duty (which I've done nothing for) of attempting to make a Thanxmas documentary. Hundreds of pictures were taken in the photo booth that Natalie set up so wonderfully, but my plan was to film sit down chats with people in that room about Thanxmas and what it means to them, etc. I should have learned from last year that this will NEVER happen. As soon as the crowd grows beyond like 8 people and the alcohol is flowing, there is no way I will ever be able to spend the time to have those conversations. But at least we got a lot of pictures and I was able to steal a lot of old ones from people, something I need to get on the ball with continuing to do. It will be a daunting task to do what I want to do, but if it plays out half as good as I'm imagining it, it should be pretty awesome. 

All in all, another great Thanxmas and one that did a great job of reigniting my passion for it and reminding me why I like this group of people so much. 2 years ago, a lot of people were missing, it was pretty quiet and it ended surprisingly early. Last year was generally awesome, but again, only like 4 people stayed over and a lot of people left at 10. Somehow, even though we're older and poorer, go to bed earlier and have more kids, it really felt like a bunch of crazy young kids having a party again, and that was wonderful. I will always stay over the night of Thanxmas, and I may just stay over the night before too, if possible. Or at least get there insanely early so I can maximize the day. There's nothing quite like hanging out with 20-30 awesome people I've loved for years, in ridiculous clothes, giving each other horrible gifts, and having a feast culminating in an entire day of happiness. Thanxmas is alive and well. Here's to 10 more years. 

P.S. I'm weird and wanted to learn how to put together an animated gif in photoshop, which I never knew how to do. So, for my loyal readers, here's my entire calendar in gif format. It's not broken- each frame takes like 10 seconds to switch so you can read all the impossible-to-read garbage I wrote on each picture. 

currently listening to: Deer Leap- "Here. Home."